Saturday, May 2, 2009

Trouble sleeping

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."

"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."

"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Tamang translation ng mga kanta

Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know! - Huwag Mo Kong Gawing Tanga!

You Should Know By Now - Alam Mo Na Dapat Ngayon Yan, Tanga!

Sometimes When We Touch - Minsan Kapag Tayo'y Naghihipuan

Touch Me In The Morning - Hipuan Mo Ko Sa Umaga

Stairway To Heaven - Mula Paa Hanggang Singit

Hurt So Good - Array, ang Sarrap!

Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Maitim Ang Puso

I Left My Heart In San Francisco - Walang akong Puso ngayon

King And Queen Of Hearts - Tong-itan at pusuyan!

Pretty Woman - AKO yun o kaya'y di ikaw yun!

Hey Jude - Hoy Hudas! Barabas!

Power Of Love - Buntis

How Deep Is Your Love - Gaano Kalalim ang sa iyo

Three Times A Lady - Super Bakla

More Than A Woman - Tomboy (T-Bird)

Can't Be With You Tonight - Meron Ako Ngayon

Monday, February 9, 2009

Chinese and Spielberg

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."

The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

Important things for doctor

In an anatomy class, a professor teaches his students with the real dead body.

Every students stand around the surgery table. The dead body lie there covering by a big white blanket.

The professor starts teaching " To be a good doctor, there are two important things that everyone of you have to keep in mind. The first one is NEVER FEEL DISGUSTING WITH THE BODY"

The professor then open the blanket and slowly poke his finger deeply to the dead body's anus, spin the finger and suck it right in front of the students.

The professor said to everyone "do it Hurry!"

The students are all feeling very disgusting with the bizarre example but they all decide to do it just to satisfy the professor.

After everyone is done, the professor strongly stare at everyone and said out loud.

"Well, the second important thing for being a good doctor is that "BE OBSERVANT." If you noticed it you would see that I poke my middle finger in the anus but suck my index finger!!"

Q & A for a laugh

Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new holes.

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.

Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology.

Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.

Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?!!!!!!!!!!!!
A: The boy friend's hand.

Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front".

Q: Secret of long life
A: Morning two eggs, evening two pegs... and night two legs