tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69214413176042210512024-03-13T10:55:15.982+08:00L A F F I N G T I M E ^ _______ ^Compilation of the jokes I encountered.
Tawa naman jan ^ ___________ ^.litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-39252648446748475062009-05-02T18:19:00.001+08:002009-05-02T18:19:40.344+08:00Trouble sleeping<span style="font-family:times new roman,helvetica;">The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.<br /><br />"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."<br /><br />"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."<br /><br />"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"</span>litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-44552354055011631572009-03-29T06:10:00.000+08:002009-03-29T06:11:51.547+08:00<hr /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Tamang translation ng mga kanta</span><br /><br />Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know! - Huwag Mo Kong Gawing Tanga!<br /><br />You Should Know By Now - Alam Mo Na Dapat Ngayon Yan, Tanga!<br /><br />Sometimes When We Touch - Minsan Kapag Tayo'y Naghihipuan<br /><br />Touch Me In The Morning - Hipuan Mo Ko Sa Umaga<br /><br />Stairway To Heaven - Mula Paa Hanggang Singit<br /><br />Hurt So Good - Array, ang Sarrap!<br /><br />Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Maitim Ang Puso<br /><br />I Left My Heart In San Francisco - Walang akong Puso ngayon<br /><br />King And Queen Of Hearts - Tong-itan at pusuyan!<br /><br />Pretty Woman - AKO yun o kaya'y di ikaw yun!<br /><br />Hey Jude - Hoy Hudas! Barabas!<br /><br />Power Of Love - Buntis<br /><br />How Deep Is Your Love - Gaano Kalalim ang sa iyo<br /><br />Three Times A Lady - Super Bakla<br /><br />More Than A Woman - Tomboy (T-Bird)<br /><br />Can't Be With You Tonight - Meron Ako Ngayonlitbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-58024853135351347622009-02-09T01:15:00.001+08:002009-02-09T01:18:39.024+08:00<hr/><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Chinese and Spielberg</span><br /><br />One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.<br /><br />As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.<br /><br />Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."<br /><br />The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.<br /><br />In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."<br /><br />The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-86115348608011653912009-02-09T01:13:00.000+08:002009-02-09T01:14:11.896+08:00<hr/><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Important things for doctor</span><br /><br />In an anatomy class, a professor teaches his students with the real dead body.<br /><br />Every students stand around the surgery table. The dead body lie there covering by a big white blanket.<br /><br />The professor starts teaching " To be a good doctor, there are two important things that everyone of you have to keep in mind. The first one is NEVER FEEL DISGUSTING WITH THE BODY"<br /><br />The professor then open the blanket and slowly poke his finger deeply to the dead body's anus, spin the finger and suck it right in front of the students.<br /><br />The professor said to everyone "do it Hurry!"<br /><br />The students are all feeling very disgusting with the bizarre example but they all decide to do it just to satisfy the professor.<br /><br />After everyone is done, the professor strongly stare at everyone and said out loud.<br /><br />"Well, the second important thing for being a good doctor is that "BE OBSERVANT." If you noticed it you would see that I poke my middle finger in the anus but suck my index finger!!"litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-57790635653437193972009-02-09T01:09:00.000+08:002009-02-09T01:10:03.569+08:00<span style="font-weight: bold;"><hr/><br />Q & A for a laugh</span><br /> <br />Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?<br />A: Both keep searching for new holes.<br /><br />Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?<br />A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.<br /><br />Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?<br />A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology.<br /><br />Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?<br />A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.<br /><br />Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />A: The boy friend's hand.<br /><br />Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?<br />A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front".<br /><br />Q: Secret of long life<br />A: Morning two eggs, evening two pegs... and night two legslitbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-88163283332012488572009-02-09T01:03:00.002+08:002009-02-09T01:10:37.428+08:00<hr /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">A Filipino applicant at Wal-Mart</span><br /><br />An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. ..<br /><br />An American, a Russian, an Australian and a Filipino. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"<br /><br />Acknowledging Dave, the American on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT". It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."<br /><br />"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.<br /><br />"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian.<br /><br />"Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."<br /><br />"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed." He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply.<br /><br />"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."<br /><br />The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.<br /><br />Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.<br /><br />Eleuterio replied, " Apter herring da 3 frevyos ansers sirrr, et's obyus to me dat the fastest thang known Diarrhea."<br /><br />"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.<br /><br />"O I can expleyn serrr ." said Eleuterio . "YOU SEE SERR, DA other day I wasn't Peeeling so good and I run soo fast to the CR, but, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, ay 'tang ina, I already had a big tae in my pants.<br /><br />Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart.<br /><span style="color:limegreen;"></span>litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-39204302377580784152009-02-09T01:00:00.003+08:002009-02-09T01:01:44.333+08:00<b><hr /><br />The Morning After </b><br /><br />An American and an Italian were seated next to a Filipino on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.<br /><br />"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the American bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious pancakes and she told me how much she adored me."<br /><br />"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."<br /><br />When the Filipino remained silent, the American smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"<br /><br />"Once," he replied. "Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted.<br /><br />"And what did she say to you this morning?" "Don't stop."litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-9059405072026084572009-01-24T03:25:00.003+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.765+08:00<hr /><br />Kumpare daw!!!<br /><br />Misis: Honey sino ba itong Baby na nagtitext sayo.<br /><br />Mister: Ah Kumpare ko yan, Baby lang talaga ang pangalan nya.<br /><br />Misis: O eto ang text sayo, hinde daw kayo tuloy kasi may regla siya.litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-42636392302644209032009-01-24T03:23:00.001+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.765+08:00<hr /><br />DIVORCED FATHER: anak, pag uwi mo ibigay mo sa nanay mo tong chekeat sabihin mo 18 years old kana, huling tseke na makukuha nyafor child support tapos tingnan mo expression ng face nya.<br /><br />ANAK: mom, sabi ni dad bigay ko daw sa'yo tong tseke,last na daw yan kasi 18 na daw ako, pagkatapostingnan ko daw expression ng face mo.<br /><br />MOM: sa susunod na pag bisita mo sa kanya.. sabihin mo salamat sa suporta kahit hndi mo sya tatay,tapos tingnan mo expression ng face nya.....litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-46119037423302369922009-01-24T03:22:00.002+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.765+08:00<hr /><br />teacher: ok children, ayon sa theorya na ang tao daw ay nangaling sa mga unggoy, kayo ba eh naniniwala dun?<br /><br />paltik: d ako naniniwala ma'am<br /><br />teacher:bakit d ka naniniwala<br /><br />paltik:kung lahat tayo eh nangaling sa unggoy, bakit mukha po kayong kabayo?litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-20585945739492682532009-01-24T03:20:00.005+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.766+08:00<hr /><br />PEDRO: niloko ko yung tindera kanina.<br /><br />JUAN: paano mo naman niloko yung tindera?<br /><br />PEDRO: nagpaload ako eh wala naman akong celfon.litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-88232642486833776722009-01-24T03:20:00.004+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.766+08:00<hr /><br />sa classroom...<br /><br />teacher: ok class form a circle and make it straight!<br /><br />biglang nakita ng guro na may nagtatawanang bata...<br /><br />teacher: you, you and you! both the three of you! i want to see your parents tomorrow in the morning right now!<br /><br />if you are the student of this teacher...good luck :)litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-56788482750472405482009-01-24T03:19:00.004+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.766+08:00<hr /><br />INA: anak, tawagan mo nga tatay mo sa celfon. Pauwiin mo dito.<br /><br />[pagkatapos tawagan.]<br /><br />ANAK: nay, babae po ang sumagot.<br /><br />INA: lintik, sinasabi ko na nga ba, may tinatago yang tatay mo eh! Anong sabi?<br /><br />ANAK: 'you only have zero pesos in your account...' hindi ko na tinapos nay mukhang matapobre.litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-37636577133938975702009-01-24T03:19:00.003+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.767+08:00<hr /><br />Sinoli ni Erap ang libro sa library.<br /><br />ERAP: sobrang dami ng characters wala naman storya.<br /><br />LIBRARIAN: kayo pala kumuha ng telephone directory namin!litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-33934897553099731942009-01-24T03:18:00.005+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.767+08:00<hr /><br />TEACHER: mga bata, alam niyo ba na ang bawat butil ng palay ay galing sa dugo't pawis ng mga magsasaka?<br /><br />MGA BATA: eeewwww!litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-40040739994689758682009-01-24T03:18:00.004+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.767+08:00<hr /><br />STUDENT: ma'am, pagagalitan niyo po ba ako sa bagay na hindi ko naman ginawa?<br /><br />TEACHER: natural hindi.<br /><br />STUDENT: good, di ko po ginawa assignment ko!litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-68770382194143885342009-01-24T03:17:00.002+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.767+08:00<hr /><br />Kung nag GAY LANGUAGE sana sila GMA at GARCI eh di walang SCAM!<br /><br />GMA: hallow gracia!<br /><br />GARCI: uy mother ever! Na chenilyn de kimberlyn ko na po yung mga chuva ek ek.<br /><br />GMA: bonggacious! Eh yung mga chenes chenes, carry na ba?<br /><br />GARCI: flatshoes! Winnie santos mama, wiz na wori eclavou na ever! Na chorva na!<br /><br />GMA: ang tarushki! Maldita ka talaga vruha ka! Eh di windra na namanwatashi?!<br /><br />GARCI: anufi ate.<br /><br />GMA: oshah ba.litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-20997580486741243972009-01-24T03:16:00.002+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.767+08:00<hr /><br />In a miss gay pageant...<br /><br />HOST: how can we uplift our economy today even though we are under economic crisis?<br /><br />BAKLA: (namutla) mga bakla! Akala ko ba miss gay ito? Quizbee pala!litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-16593281708034759242009-01-24T03:15:00.007+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.768+08:00<hr /><br />Nanay: Ang lakas mo kumain pero di ka mautusan. Ang kapal mo!<br /><br />Anak: Kapag yung baboy natin malakas kumain, natutuwa ka. Sino b talaga ang anak mo, ako o ung baboy? Umayos ka nay! Wag ganun!litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-67658389746850480862009-01-24T03:15:00.006+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.768+08:00<hr /><br />TEACHER: okay class our lesson for today is science. What is science?<br /><br />PEDRO: ako ma'am! Ako ma'am!<br /><br />TEACHER: okay Pedro, what is science?<br /><br />PEDRO: science is our lesson for today.litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-24728454080067425612009-01-24T03:15:00.005+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.768+08:00<hr /><br />DOC: umubo ka!<br /><br />PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!<br /><br />DOC: ubo pa!<br /><br />PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!<br /><br />DOC: okay.<br /><br />PEDRO: ano po ba sakit ko doc?<br /><br />DOC: may ubo ka.litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-4224599249325845552009-01-24T03:14:00.002+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.768+08:00<hr /><br />BOY: Wala akong kwentang anak para sa inyo! Lahat ng ginagawa ko puro mali! Lagi nalang ako mali!!! Di 'nyo na ako mahal!<br /><br />AMA: Nagkakamali ka anak?<br /><br />BOY: Kitam! Mali na naman ako!!!litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-61745845169111673732009-01-24T03:13:00.002+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.769+08:00<hr /><br />TATAY: may malaki ako problema.<br /><br />NANAY: wag mo sabihin problema MO lang, problema NATIN dahil nagmamahalan tayo. Ngayon ano problema natin?<br /><br />TATAY: nabuntis NATIN si inday at TAYO ang ama..litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-56759266370260217062009-01-24T03:12:00.001+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.769+08:00<hr /><br />TITSER: Juan, use recharge & caffeine in a sentence.<br /><br />JUAN: Si "Recharge" Gutierrez ay si "Caffeine" Barbell. ?litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6921441317604221051.post-61608184830201405472009-01-24T03:11:00.001+08:002009-02-09T00:19:57.769+08:00<hr /><br />Teacher, teacher naman...<br /><br />TEACHER: Anong similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Ninoy Aquino at Apolinario Mabini?<br /><br />STUDENT: Ma'am, pagkaka-alam ko po, silang lahat ay pinanganak ng holiday! ?litbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04658912273852278802noreply@blogger.com0